A pub-crawl with Jack Parow

Afrikaans rapper Zander Tyler, better known by his stage name, Jack Parow, shows us his favourite Stellenho$h bars

“It’s been voted the number one braai sous in South Africa,” reads Jack Parow from his latest venture, a bottle of Parow Braaisous. “And if you look underneath that in small print it says; by Jack Parow,” he says laughing.

This exchange is taking place at The Rock Room in Stellenbosch. Ambitiously we asked Jack Parow to go on a pub-crawl through his favourite Stellie’s watering-holes.

Alright, let’s get this party started.

The Rock Room

Sipping on a brandy and coke, Jack says, “I’ve had many a crazy night here.” I’m trying the bar’s signature cocktail, The Long Island Cranberry Ice tea. I was offered a Nog, or as Jack puts it, ‘the low-flying Canadian duck F$#ker’, but since it’s mostly comprised of stroh rum, I decline; we are after all only at the beginning of this pub-crawl.

“This place at lockdown is mental; the bar closes and all our friends stay in and drink. The one night I passed out on a scooter. Yes it was that bad,” he says.

Corner of Dorp and Mark Street | Stellenbosch | +27 (0)21 887 3144
Opening hours: Monday to Saturday | 12pm – 2am

Sergeant Pepper

“This place makes amazing pizza,” says Jack empathically. He’s onto another brandy and coke. I’m quickly learning that’s all he drinks. No frilly cocktails for this guy. Keeping within the spirit of trying what the bar’s best at, I order, on recommendation, a mojito.

“I’ve made drinks behind this bar,” he says. When I ask him why, perhaps he had fallen on hard times, he says: “ag you know, just for fun.”

“This bar has the best balcony, come look,” he says leading the way. He’s right, stretching across the entire perimeter it looks down onto the street below.

We’re on a tight schedule, so we dash off, heads spinning ever-so slightly.

18 Andringa Street | Stellenbosch | +27 (0)87 802 1511
Opening hours: Monday to Sunday | 12pm – 2am

Mystic Boer

“They always have brandy and coke specials here,” says Jack. “In fact practically every place in Stellenbosch has them!”

Sipping on yet another, yip you’ve guessed it, the aforementioned brandy and coke, we take a walk around the two-storey pub, famous for its quirky Afrikana-inspired décor. We pass the dancefloor and sudden vivid memories of myself serving (trying to out-dance) my friends come hurtling back.

3 Victoria Street | Stellenbosch | +27 (0)21 886 8870
Opening hours: Monday to Saturday: 11am - 2am, Sunday: 6pm - 2am

Springboks

“Unfortunately, I don’t have any stories about this bar,” Jack says while we’re sitting in the dark interior. “I’m always too drunk; I can never remember what happened.”

He’s finally ditched the almighty brandy and coke in favour of a John Deere; a mixer of Creme Soda and cane. “This bar is a late night venue; somehow their liquor license still allows them to stay open past 2pm. It’ll be empty at 12am, but at two there’ll be a long queue outside. The party goes on till 6am.”

Corner of Merriman and Andringa Street | Stellenbosch | +27 (0)21 887 0547
Opening hours: Monday to Saturday: 12pm - 4am

Aandklaas

We’re standing outside Aandklaas after yet another dizzy-inducing brandy and coke. Jack’s smoking a cigarette and leaning against the wall while my colleague takes pictures of him. Attracted by the excitement, resident homeless person, Moxie stumbles over. She’s wearing a bright pink jersey that has a white poodle sewn on it. “I looooooovve youuuu,” she drawls when spying Jack. Soon enough she has him around the waist and is happily posing for pictures too.

“We shot the video for Die Vraagstuk with Die Heuwels Fantasties here,” he says once our impromptu photo shoot is over. “The owner, Marcus Oosthuizen, is very supportive of us (musicians). Whenever I feel the need to play, I let him know, and he always obliges.”

43a Bird Street | Stellenbosch | + 27 (0)21 883 3545
Opening hours: Monday to Sunday: 11am - 2am

With that, our pub-crawl is over, as we part ways I hear Moxie in the distance; “I looooooovve youuuu Jack Parow!” And you know what Moxie? We couldn’t agree more.

By Malu Lambert, pictures by Antonia Heil

For more Stellies hot spots, check out our nightlife overview.

 
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